Some irresponsible so called news reporters have been throwing around this legal term "HAZING" quite loosely this last week. But myself, being a High School Social Studies teacher, wanted to make sure that the term is not being misconceived erroneously. I noticed that enforcement was so quick to conclude, without all of the facts received, sorted or fully investigated. Life is not simple or Black and White, but when tragedy strikes our home, human nature kicks in and we want and deserve quick answers. While what we really desire, is the TRUTH and nothing but the TRUTH.
Florida - §§ 1006.63 State Statutes define hazing as:
.—(1) As used in this section, “hazing” means any action or situation that recklessly or intentionally endangers the mental or physical health or safety of a student for purposes including, but not limited to, initiation or admission into or affiliation with any organization operating under the sanction of a postsecondary institution. “Hazing” includes, but is not limited to, pressuring or coercing the student into violating state or federal law, any brutality of a physical nature, such as whipping, beating, branding, exposure to the elements, forced consumption of any food, liquor, drug, or other substance, or other forced physical activity that could adversely affect the physical health or safety of the student, and also includes any activity that would subject the student to extreme mental stress, such as sleep deprivation, forced exclusion from social contact, forced conduct that could result in extreme embarrassment, or other forced activity that could adversely affect the mental health or dignity of the student. Hazing does not include customary athletic events or other similar contests or competitions or any activity or conduct that furthers a legal and legitimate objective.
Florida A&M University, My Alma Matter, is about to engage in a legal battle that is going to result in punitive restitution to a grieving family. A family that lost a son with so much potential that was enrolled and served in its Famed Band. The question is did his untimely demise come at the hand of defined HAZING or a vicious ASSAULT and BATTERY that resulted in MURDER.
My issue is as defined, this young man was NOT being initiated or seeking admission because he had achieved the highest ranking status in the Band as Drum major and in line to be its head drum major for next year. The question then becomes was he seeking to keep his affiliation or acceptance with the band?
Being a member of this Band for 4 years, I know for a fact that Leadership acceptance is not earned through subordinates or individuals of lesser rank and tenure. The tradition and respect is earned through those of senior experience, and by ones own dedication to excellence in musicianship and showmanship.
University Administration has chosen to select a sacrificial lamb in the form of the Band's direly dedicated director. A man who mainly contributed to taking the bands inspiration to an ideal level which has been marketed around the world. This costly sacrifice, I believe is an effort to gain mercy on the court to lessen the degree of punitive damages associated with the death of this young man.
I conclude with, To the University officials and Advisors, payout to this grieving family the reasonable due diligence compensatory to this young man's potential and raise proceeds to subjugate your losses. But dismissing an Icon of the University will only further damage possible future charitable contributions as well as the hardship of dismantling legacy.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Why Get Married?
Marriage cannot make you happy.
I think it’s safe to say that many people who want to be married think that marriage will make them happy, but I maintain that’s just not true. We’ve all grown up with the fairy tales where the princess finds a prince, gets married, and lives “happily ever after.” Simply put, nothing can “make” you happy. Absolutely nothing. Happiness is a personal choice and is not contingent upon one’s circumstances. There are plenty of happy poor folks and miserable millionaires. If you aren’t happy before marriage, chances are you won’t be happy in it. And unfortunately, a lot of people get dejected when they enter a marriage and realize they’re not as happy as they thought they’d be. Learn to be happy independent of outside influences.
Marriage does not equal satisfaction.
Let me be clear: you will not be completely satisfied in your marriage 100% of the time. You’re talking about two people who were raised by different mothers, were taught different standards, and somehow decided it would be a good idea to join together and become a unit. But because they are still two very distinct people, clashes naturally arise when expectations don’t align with reality. He has different ideas about cleaning than you do. She has different ideas about money than you do. You both thought sex would be more plentiful than it currently is. Somebody is going to be disappointed occasionally.
There is not a single person on earth who can completely live up to your expectations because all of us fall short. Whomever you marry will likely disappoint you, and I’m sure you won’t do much better. And don’t think you can change the things you don’t like about him or her. That’s a dead-end road, and even if you did “fix” those things, chances are you’d only find more things later that need to be “fixed.” Go into a marriage expecting the other person to fall short (within reason) and decide preemptively to extend some grace when they do.
Marriage cannot make you whole.
Everyone wants to feel complete, whether it’s in their careers or their personal lives. They somehow don’t feel like they can sit back, relax, and enjoy life until they have something they’ve always wanted. Sadly, plenty of people put their happiness on hold for some hypothetical day in the future when they have everything they want, including a marriage and family. If partial contentment is your status quo and the way you live your life, I can guarantee you that once you do obtain the things you think you want, you’ll find a reason not to be happy with them. Something will always be out of place.
Oh and another thing… do NOT go into a marriage expecting your spouse to make you better, fix your hurts from your past, or give you everything you ever thought you’d need. Only God can do that. Please, if you have personal issues that you’re aware of, work on them before you get married or you will sabotage yourself. Your spouse is not your therapist or your fairy godparent.
So, why get married in the first place?
Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one indispensible prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks. They say it takes work, but I say it requires more than work — it is work personified. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. When you hear the words “for better or for worse,” imagine what the “worse” could possibly look like and honestly ask yourself if you have the wherewithal to thrive in those situations. If you don’t have it, that’s fine. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.
There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. You have to have the heart of a servant to do this thing correctly. Can you still fix him a plate even after he’s thoroughly pissed you off? Would you still put gas in her car for work tomorrow even after she’s stepped all over your ego? After days of fighting and arguing, can you still muster the humility to pray for one another? These are the types of things successfully married people do. In this job, you don’t clock out just because you’re not “feeling it.” That’s a hard thing for people to understand in a culture of selfishness, but it is what it is. Strong marriages are comprised of strong people, so you must ask yourself before you get to the altar, “Am I strong enough?”
I think it’s safe to say that many people who want to be married think that marriage will make them happy, but I maintain that’s just not true. We’ve all grown up with the fairy tales where the princess finds a prince, gets married, and lives “happily ever after.” Simply put, nothing can “make” you happy. Absolutely nothing. Happiness is a personal choice and is not contingent upon one’s circumstances. There are plenty of happy poor folks and miserable millionaires. If you aren’t happy before marriage, chances are you won’t be happy in it. And unfortunately, a lot of people get dejected when they enter a marriage and realize they’re not as happy as they thought they’d be. Learn to be happy independent of outside influences.
Marriage does not equal satisfaction.
Let me be clear: you will not be completely satisfied in your marriage 100% of the time. You’re talking about two people who were raised by different mothers, were taught different standards, and somehow decided it would be a good idea to join together and become a unit. But because they are still two very distinct people, clashes naturally arise when expectations don’t align with reality. He has different ideas about cleaning than you do. She has different ideas about money than you do. You both thought sex would be more plentiful than it currently is. Somebody is going to be disappointed occasionally.
There is not a single person on earth who can completely live up to your expectations because all of us fall short. Whomever you marry will likely disappoint you, and I’m sure you won’t do much better. And don’t think you can change the things you don’t like about him or her. That’s a dead-end road, and even if you did “fix” those things, chances are you’d only find more things later that need to be “fixed.” Go into a marriage expecting the other person to fall short (within reason) and decide preemptively to extend some grace when they do.
Marriage cannot make you whole.
Everyone wants to feel complete, whether it’s in their careers or their personal lives. They somehow don’t feel like they can sit back, relax, and enjoy life until they have something they’ve always wanted. Sadly, plenty of people put their happiness on hold for some hypothetical day in the future when they have everything they want, including a marriage and family. If partial contentment is your status quo and the way you live your life, I can guarantee you that once you do obtain the things you think you want, you’ll find a reason not to be happy with them. Something will always be out of place.
Oh and another thing… do NOT go into a marriage expecting your spouse to make you better, fix your hurts from your past, or give you everything you ever thought you’d need. Only God can do that. Please, if you have personal issues that you’re aware of, work on them before you get married or you will sabotage yourself. Your spouse is not your therapist or your fairy godparent.
So, why get married in the first place?
Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one indispensible prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks. They say it takes work, but I say it requires more than work — it is work personified. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. When you hear the words “for better or for worse,” imagine what the “worse” could possibly look like and honestly ask yourself if you have the wherewithal to thrive in those situations. If you don’t have it, that’s fine. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.
There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. You have to have the heart of a servant to do this thing correctly. Can you still fix him a plate even after he’s thoroughly pissed you off? Would you still put gas in her car for work tomorrow even after she’s stepped all over your ego? After days of fighting and arguing, can you still muster the humility to pray for one another? These are the types of things successfully married people do. In this job, you don’t clock out just because you’re not “feeling it.” That’s a hard thing for people to understand in a culture of selfishness, but it is what it is. Strong marriages are comprised of strong people, so you must ask yourself before you get to the altar, “Am I strong enough?”
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